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#15-Pesach Triggers and Possible Solutions

  • Shira
  • Oct 11, 2023
  • 3 min read

Pesach will IYH be here in a few days. We’ve all worked so hard to get to this point with cleaning, shopping, cooking… and hopefully, we are all looking forward to this special YT. However, at the same time, Pesach does have the ability to exacerbate our circumstances. We have a full week with no distractions, there is no work (unless you have to work on Chol Hamoed) no being busy with technology; instead, we have a whole week of being fully focused and present, which may make us notice, and feel our circumstances, much more intensely. Therefore, because there are so many different triggers that may come up over Pesach, I’d like to go through some of them and come up with some possible solutions that will hopefully make Pesach much more enjoyable and meaningful.

Some possible triggers may be:

· Checkpoint- For many singles, YT is used as a checkpoint. I know that I do this, and I’m sure many others can relate to this as well. We think back to Pesach last year and remember how last year we had hoped that we would be past this stage, but unfortunately, here we are once again! We’re going to be sitting down at our seder table on our own, without a husband at our side, and that can be pretty disheartening.

· Family- We’re going to be spending a lot of time with family, which, although very nice, comes along with its challenges. There may be specific family members that trigger you, conversations that trigger you, and, of course, the biggie, which is trying to balance the mitzvah of kibbud av v’aim while maintaining your independence.

· Comparing- Looking around at others who have what you so badly want and feeling deprived as a result. Comparing yourself to others who seem to have it so much better than you do. It can be relatives, friends, neighbors, etc.

So, what could we do about all these different potential triggers that may come up over YT? Because none of us want to be feeling sad, down, or jealous.

So firstly, you can apply the tool that was discussed Purim time. Just to refresh your memory, the acronym was: I Love Nurturing. I-Identify in which part of your body you’re having a negative feeling, L-label. Label the emotion you’re experiencing right now. N-Nurture- Nurture and explain to yourself why it makes sense that you’re feeling the way you do.

The newest tool is not anything earth-shattering, but it does work. And it is- Focus on the Positive. No matter what your exact situation is, everyone has something in their life that they can be thankful for.

Don’t let any little detail go past. Because when we start looking out for the positive in our lives, we automatically become more attracted to it, & thereby attract more positivity into our lives. Suddenly, we notice so many details which, until now, we are taking for granted.


What happens, though, if you try both of these tools, but they don’t seem to be working, then what? The answer is cliched, but it works: fake it till you make it. Somehow, when we put on that show on the outside, it has a way of influencing us on the inside as well. So put on a big smile & try to be happy. When you’re preparing for YT or on Chol Hamoed, turn up the music and sing. Try as best as you can to turn the atmosphere into a fun, joyous, happy one.

And even just knowing that other people also have it hard and are also probably feeling the same way that you are is in itself comforting. That’s the benefit of a support group:)

Wishing everyone an enjoyable and meaningful Pesach! -Shira


*Bonus- I heard something cute on a Shidduch podcast that I really liked, & therefore am sharing. The single who does this podcast was talking about how she doesn’t have a husband to buy her jewelry for YT. Instead of being down about it, she turned it into something humorous and coined the term “Virtual Velvel.” When she buys herself new jewelry for YT, she says that Virtual Velvel bought it for her! I thought it was cute; it kind of defuses a potentially loaded subject into something humorous! I’m including the links for this podcast so you can enjoy it. (I do not know which number is for the Virtual Velvel episode, though; sorry.)

Search “Redefined with Chaya Sora” and hit “SUBSCRIBE.”

You can subscribe on all of your favorite podcasting platforms and apps:

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