#42- Challenges Make Us

In Parshas Lech Lecha, we read how Hashem tested Avraham Aveinu. Avraham was told, “Lech Lecha- Leave your birthplace behind, and go to the land that I will show you.” That commandment served as the start of Avraham’s ten nisyonos.

The words Lech Lecha literally mean, “Go for yourself.” However, it seems redundant that both words are used.

Why did Hashem say the second word, “Lecha- for yourself,” as well?

Rashi answers that Lecha here means, “For your pleasure and for your own good.”

Throughout our own lives, we are also told “Lech Lecha,” so to speak. We are put through a challenge that takes us out of our comfort zone. And leaving our comfort zone is hard. Yet, when it comes to challenges, we don’t really have much of a choice. We can’t choose what we go through. However, what choice do we have? R’ Shimshon Pincus ZTL would say, “In life, the only choice we have is choosing what we do with the things that we have no choice. We can either step up or step out.” Meaning to say, although we have no choice when it comes to challenges, the choice we do have is choosing what we do with our challenge. Will we step up to the plate, help others, grow from it, etc., or step out?

Last year, someone with whom I’m close asked me something that completely changed how I view this challenge. What she said is, “In ten years from now, how do you want to see this stage?” It was a simple line, but such a game-changer. That was when I realized I had a choice. And the choices that I currently make will determine how I’ll view this stage ten years from now. I have an opportunity to use this time and make it into something I’ll be proud of. That doesn’t mean there is no pain, but that does remind me not to sit in it. And every single one of us (pun not intended) has that choice as well. We need to ask ourselves, “How do I want to view this challenge?” And more so, “What do I want to do with this challenge?

Just sit around and get depressed over it, or do something with it?” Mr. Charlie Harary once said, “Blessings in life are often delivered to us in a package called challenge.” Powerful! At times, it may be really difficult to see how challenge is a blessing. It may be in disguise, and you may have to search for it! But when one looks deep enough, the blessing is there.

On a personal level (and I’m only sharing this because I know people appreciate when I write personal,) I can see how this challenge is making me into a better person. A more real and mature person. I don’t think anyone in this group would have opted to go through this challenge; however, once you are going through it, you control how you go through it. Remember, “There is nothing that Hashem allows us to go through that isn’t an opportunity for us to grow through.” Another great line (sorry;)) which I love.

So, how can we grow from our challenges?

I think we first need to focus on reframing the thoughts we tell ourselves about our challenge. Many of us have a negative refrain going through our minds 24/7. This has a big effect on the way we view ourselves and the way we view our challenges. For some reason, there is this misconception out there that challenges make one less than. That is 100% false. Challenges serve as a process of polishing one into a more beautiful version of themselves. When a diamond is polished, the jeweler uses a rough stone and rubs it across the diamond. This process is what allows the diamond to shine and sparkle. The same is true with us. (I’m sorry if it sounds cliché, but it really is true.) The polishing process is rough and painful. We don’t ask for it. But once we are going through it, we can choose how we view it. What will our attitude be as we go through this challenge? Will we only focus on the polishing part or focus on our shine?

Just to be honest, I don’t want anyone to think that I’m this amazing person who is so grateful for this challenge, and I thank Hashem every day for it, etc. Completely not. The way I view this challenge is that it’s neither entirely black nor white; rather, it’s a combination of both. It’s a mix of so many feelings and experiences. On one end, there is pain, despair, vulnerability, hopelessness, shame, sadness. On the other, there is growth, maturity, sensitivity, humility, and closeness to both Hashem and others going through the same challenge.

So, the first step in dealing with challenge is reframing the way we view challenge, which is replacing the "less than" attitude with a "greater than" attitude. When we replace the "less-than" attitude with a "greater-than" attitude, our actions will reflect that as well. Once we’ve done that, we can look for ways to grow from this challenge. For those who have extra time on their hands (and even those who don’t), here are some practical ideas.

A) Volunteering- The feeling one gets when one gives to others is indescribable. You think you are giving, but really, you are getting. Speaking from experience here:) There are so many amazing organizations looking for volunteers!

B) Develop a hobby- You may remember from a previous segment that I’m very passionate about this. When you are married, you won’t have the time to invest in a hobby. Do it now. Music, art… Anything that you enjoy. I’ve taken on guitar, and it’s something I’m so proud of😉 Hobbies are such healthy outlets, and I don’t need to stress why we need one!

C) Ruchniyus- From a Spiritual standpoint, now is the time to work on yourself and grow. You can work on Tefillah, Emunah. There are so many wonderful books out there, and if you don’t have the time/ patience for a book or sefer, there are tons of shiurim that you can listen to. Parsha, Hashkafa, Halacha… TorahAnytime is great!!

Going back now to our question on Lech Lecha, the reason why Hashem used the second word Lecha is that it was Lecha-for himself, for Avraham's own good. This commandment of Lech Lecha is what made Avraham into an Avraham Aveinu. Going through his ten nisyonos made Avraham into who he was.

This applies to each person as well. When we are commanded Lech Lecha, we have an opportunity to prove to ourselves who we really are. Because when you are taken out of your comfort zone, that is when it’s Lecha-for yourself- for your own good.

The word nisayon comes from the root word of nes. A nes is a flag. Flags are used as a means of pride in portraying a nation. Our own “flags” identify who we are. Not as less than, but as beautiful diamonds, sparkling in the light.