#54-🤡Purim 2023🎭

Can you believe we’re up to Purim again? Maybe it’s because we didn’t have snow here on the East Coast, so I didn’t process that winter is almost over, but yup, Purim is here in all its glory! I feel like we just finished celebrating Purim 2022!

If you are like most singles past a certain age, you’ll know what I mean when I say that Purim brings a certain stress or pressure. The stress may come from several places, notably checkpoints and happiness. (Notice I didn’t say what the age is. That’s because “the age” is different for each person. Singlehood is not your age or the number of years you’ve been in shidduchim. In my opinion, how you cope in singlehood depends on your support network- friends, family, co-workers, etc. I know 23-year-olds who are super chilled about their single status and 21-year-olds who are having a really hard time with it. It all boils down to your support network.)

Checkpoints and happiness are the two areas I’ll be focusing on in today's segment; I think many singles can relate to these aspects most.

1. Checkpoint- If you’re like many singles, as each YT comes up, you use it as a checkpoint to reflect on your life a year ago. You may remember the tefillos you davened last Purim when you begged Hashem for your yeshuah, the tears you cried when you said Tehillim, the hope you had that next year the label on your shalach manos would say Mishpachas _____, as opposed to only your name, or fill in the blank. Many of us engage in this thought process and feel let down, like, what happened? Obviously, I can’t answer what Hashem’s calculation is when it comes to our tefillos, but I do have a nice idea that I’d like to share that may be helpful. This idea is something I learned way back when I was in 10th/11th grade from a substitute. (If any of you substitute high school, just know that your lessons don’t go to waste. Some individuals actually pay attention and remember lessons from subs years later. :))

YT is a staircase; every YT, we climb another step. The staircase, however, isn’t a vertical staircase with steps going straight up; instead, it’s a spiral staircase. That means that every YT, we end up at the same place, but each year, it’s one level higher than the year before. I liked this idea because it changed my perspective. I’m not on a merry-go-round, just spinning round and round in the same spot. Rather, each year, I get a little higher, whether spiritually, emotionally….

Here is another idea in connection to checkpoints that may be helpful. Credits go to Mrs. Yael Bertram. (I'm a big fan, in case you haven't noticed;))

When Esther married King Achashveirosh, she felt like things couldn’t get worse. She married this rasha of a king; her life was over!! But ultimately, this very act saved the Jewish people.

We all are going through hardships and challenges. We may feel like we’ve reached a dead end. But one day, hopefully very soon, we’ll be privileged to see how this hardship/challenge was taking us the entire time to our destination. We’ll see how this hardship/challenge was for the good.

If, after reading this, you're thinking, "This concept, while nice, sounds very lofty and out of reach. It’s great to say it’ll be good one day, but I don’t want to wait for one day. I want it now!” Ready for the tool? Here goes.

Replace your internal recording with six words- Many of us singles walk around with a "recording" playing internally in our heads. Generally, this recording is not a very kind one. It may be, “I’m single and such a nebach.” Or “I’m totally left behind. Everyone forgot about me.” Or “I’ll be single for the rest of my life.” If these are the recordings we play ourselves, naturally, it makes sense that we’ll feel stressed when YT comes around. Because “Purim is here again, and I’m still single. I’m such a nebach case." Or “You see! I’m celebrating another Purim, still single! Proof that I’ll never get married!” Instead, we need to replace this critical, internal recording with six powerful words. They are: “I’m in the process of______” Growing/improving/getting stronger. Fill in the word that speaks to you. These six words will transform you from a place of feeling stuck to a place of movement.

Your challenge/hardship is taking you somewhere! Once you’ve inserted this new recording, you need to pay attention to the word you filled in. For instance, if it was “I’m in the process of Growing,” pay attention to the little ways in which you’ve grown.

2. Happiness- The second pressure we may experience on Purim is the pressure to be overflowing with joy and happiness. We all know that we’re supposed to be marbim B’simcha in Adar. We really want to feel happy when Purim comes, but it can be hard to feel. Firstly, implementing the two tools mentioned above should increase your simcha. Secondly, there’s the famous Chazal, “Hachitzoniyus doche es hapnimiyus- the outside influences the inside.” It may seem cliché or overrated, but it really works! (Talking from experience here!) Find something that will bring you more joy, and run with it! Blast the music, eat the chocolate, let loose!

Lastly, something that I personally find very helpful is mentally preparing myself when I know I’ll be in a potential trigger situation, such as Purim. In such cases, I mentally go over potential triggers and my responses. It’s helpful to do this because I’m not caught off guard if I get triggered. I planned this beforehand; I know how to respond!

(And just a friendly reminder to give yourself grace. If you do get triggered, don’t beat yourself up all day about it. Remind yourself that you’re human. And believe it!)

These tools will help us enter Purim with more joy and happiness and less stress and pressure.

Wishing all a freilichen Purim!