#56-Experiencing Burnout? Read This!

I recently looked through my old SOL segments (I keep them in a folder) and realized I never addressed a critical topic: BURNOUT! Burnout is something we all experience. Even if we’re optimistic and are making the best of our single years, we’re human; burnout is a normal reaction to a super intense, stressful stage.

Some specific triggers for burnout may be:

· Birthdays

· Going through a dry spell for an extended period

· Dating again and again but having nothing to show for it

· Friends moving on- Getting engaged, having babies

· Meeting Shadchanim but not getting suitable suggestions

· Spreading yourself too thin

I believe there is a pressure for us singles to show the world how fine, chilled, and happy we are. This pressure can either come from society or be self-imposed.

It poses a danger in two ways. Firstly, this pressure can make us feel shame or guilt when we are having a hard time and experiencing burnout. Secondly, as a result, we can actually trick ourselves into believing that we are totally fine when we aren’t. When we cannot admit to ourselves, never mind tell anyone that we are having a hard time, our feelings of burnout actually intensify.

The first step to dealing with burnout is admitting you’re burnt out. It sounds obvious, but in reality, we often trick ourselves into thinking we’re fine when we are really suppressing our emotions. Acknowledging your feelings of burnout can feel like breathing after holding your breath underwater. Relief. Admitting that you’re having a hard time doesn’t make you weak; it means you’re strong enough to look in the mirror and face yourself.

Once you’ve done step one and acknowledged your feelings, you can move on to step two, the tool for dealing with burnout: Self-care. Before you roll your eyes and say, “Self-care is soooo overrated,” I’d like to share a personal story and then delve more deeply into the topic of self-care.

Recently, a series of experiences left me feeling highly burnt out - celebrating another single birthday and a friend’s engagement, amongst other triggers mentioned above. When I tuned in, I realized I had spread my “dough” too thin and was left with holes. What I needed was some nurturance via self-care. So when a former co-worker asked if I’d be interested in a two-day vacation, I grabbed the opportunity, put everything on hold, and fled to Miami at 4 a.m. one morning. (Well, not exactly. I had an early morning flight, but that sounds way cooler😉)

As I sat on the beach in Miami and watched the waves roll in and out, I imagined them to be a gentle force coming to take away another piece of stress. As each wave rolled back out to sea, it carried away a fragment of my worries. I was left with a profound sense of calm and highly recommend trying it the next time you find yourself at the beach-So powerful! I returned from my trip refreshed and renewed bH; it was so worth it! (If you’d like to join me on my next trip, just hit reply; I’m always open to vacays;))

While going away on a mini vacation is awesome, it’s not always practical. Have no fear; there are plenty of other ways to engage in self-care without spending a penny. Additionally, self-care doesn’t need to be limited to bubble baths or yoga (although these can be examples of self-care). Self-care can be any activity that helps you relax, unwind, and rejuvenate.

In her book, “The Self Care Prescription,” Robyn L. Gobin lists six areas of self-care. They are:

· Physical self-care

· Social self-care

· Intellectual self-care

· Emotional self-care

· Spiritual self-care

· Vocational self-care

The following suggestions are mostly my own; some were taken from “The Self Care Prescription” book mentioned above.

1. Physical self-care:

Start with physical self-care if you want to enhance your physical health, sleep better, feel more robust, and improve your eating and exercise habits.

Examples of physical self-care:

· Go for a run or a walk- a scenic spot makes it even more enjoyable

· Apply hand creams, lotions, perfumes

· Buy something yummy to eat

· Drink something hot

· Take a nap

· Get your nails done

· Work out at the gym

· Cook something healthy

· Buy something special- not because you need it but because you like it

· Engage in Aerobic exercise- bike, jog, swim

· Take a relaxing shower or bubble bath

· Organize your room or other personal space- only do this if you enjoy organizing!

2. Social Self-care:

Start with social self-care if you’d like to revive your social life, improve your relationships, and find more time for recreation.

Examples of social self-care:

· Get together with a friend for a date night

· Talk with a friend - Over the phone, not through texting:)

· Spend quality time with family

· Go to social events where you can meet new people and make new friends

3. Intellectual self-care:

Start with intellectual self-care if you’d like to stimulate your mind, expand your knowledge, and exercise your curiosity.

Examples of intellectual self-care:

· Listen to an intellectually stimulating podcast -Tedtalks

· Do a sudoku puzzle or word find

· Color an adult coloring book

· Assemble a jigsaw puzzle

4. Emotional self-care:

Start with emotional self-care if you want to strengthen your ability to manage difficult emotions, stop avoiding your feelings, and take care of yourself when you’re experiencing emotional pain.

Examples of emotional self-care:

· Spend time in nature- Go to the beach/a lake

· Create a paint pouring

· Make/ listen to music

· Journal

· Window shop

· Practice deep breathing

· Turn off your phone or other technological devices

· Go for a drive with no destination in mind- enjoy the scenery!

· Engage in positive affirmations

· Take a mini vacation

· Practice mindfulness- (Read the book, The Gift of Presence, by Caroline Welch- I give five stars.)

· Take a mental health day and ditch work

5. Spiritual self-care:

Start with spiritual self-care to enrich your connection with Hashem, deepen your faith, and reconnect to what really matters.

Examples of spiritual self-care:

· Listen to a shiur

· Say Tehillim

· Read an inspiring book

· Daven in a quiet spot

· Volunteer for an organization

6. Vocational Self-care:

Start with vocational self-care to find more meaning in your career, improve your level of satisfaction at work, and find balance between your work and personal life.

Examples of vocational self-care:

· Make your workplace inviting

· Schedule breaks throughout your workday

· Take a mini vacation

The following four suggestions, which I found online, are additional ways to prevent burnout via self-care :

1. Take a break: Consider taking a temporary break from actively pursuing shidduchim. Taking time for yourself to recharge and focus on self-care can be beneficial. Use this break to engage in activities that bring you joy, explore your interests, and prioritize your emotional well-being.

2. Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or mentor who can provide a listening ear and offer guidance. They can provide emotional support and advice or be there for you during this challenging time.

3. Reflect on your needs and desires: Take time to reflect on your wants, needs, and values in a spouse. This period of burnout can be an opportunity for self-discovery and introspection.

4. Consider professional help: If you find that burnout is significantly affecting your well-being and mental health, it may be beneficial to seek support from a therapist or counselor. They can help you navigate your emotions, develop coping strategies, and guide you.

In short, self-care is a great way to ensure your needs are met and is crucial to prevent burnout. If you broke your leg or came down with the Flu, would you brush it off, or would you seek treatment? Of course, you'd seek treatment. The same needs to be done with our emotional well-being. Emotional and mental health are just as important as physical health.

To end off- The difference between self-care and self-indulgence, essentially, is the outcome. Self-care habits help us stay healthy and at the top of our game, while self-indulgent habits tend to be short-term fixes rather than real solutions to health needs. Self-care tends to feel good over time, whereas self-indulgence is fun initially but can eat at our health.

Self-care has a transformative power, and engaging in self-care has little to do with self-absorption and everything to do with health and wellness.

So, what will you do to fill your tank? I’d love to hear!