#60 “Rest and Recovery Days”- Marathon Tips and Tricks

Every year, at the beginning of November, an iconic 26.2-mile marathon is held in New York City. Runners come from all over the world to participate in the race, which goes through all five boroughs of New York City. The race starts on the Verrazano Narrows Bridge in Staten Island and takes runners through Brooklyn, Queens, Manhattan, and the Bronx before finishing in Central Park. Training for such a big marathon begins months in advance.  

I recently read an article detailing the training process for such a marathon. It began by stating that there are four essential elements to marathon training.   

1. Base mileage, 2. The long run, 3. Speed work, 4. Rest and recovery.

1.      Base mileage focuses on building the runner's weekly mileage over time. This means that the runner begins by first running small distances, and each week increases the number of miles he runs. 

2.      The long run requires the runner to do a practice run every week so he can get used to running long distances gradually.

3.      Speed work focuses on building the runner's speed.

4.      Rest and recovery means making sure the runner gets adequate rest. This last step serves to prevent both injury and mental burnout before the marathon.              

Although the preparation can be both strenuous and time-consuming, the runner understands that this preparation is vital. It ensures that he can make it to the finish line at the actual marathon.                          

When I read this article, I couldn’t help but find the similarity to singlehood. We sometimes may feel like we're running in a marathon, with the finish line being marriage. And while we are running, there are many obstacles and bumps in the road: pain, hardship, loneliness, shame. The difference is that the “shidduch marathon” is actually our preparation marathon. It’s not an end to a means. Runners prepare for the NYC marathon by running shorter distances first because their goal is to build their stamina so they can run in the big race. The same is true with us. Our “shidduch marathon” is preparing us for life. Every day we run in this marathon, we’re strengthening muscles, building stamina, and discovering qualities we never knew we had. Humility, sensitivity, confidence, resilience, maturity, patience. These muscles will make us better wives and mothers iyH. The challenge is that we don’t know how many “miles” we’ll need to run to reach the finish line, which brings me to:

Rest and Recovery, Hydration, and Fuel.                                                                                                                                                                            

Rest and recovery are the last of the four ways to train for a marathon. Rest and recovery means that the runner actually designates specific days as rest days and does not do any running on those days. To quote, “Rest days mean no running. They let your muscles recover from taxing workouts and help prevent mental burnout. The greatest enemy of any aspiring marathoner is injury, and the best protection against injury is rest (Rei.com, 2022).”

I think that this point is crucial. Being in shidduchim can be really draining at times. We call and meet Shadchanim, and go on dates and give them our all. If we don’t designate “Rest and Recovery” days, we'll crash. Taking a break requires us to create boundaries, and these breaks or boundaries are often essential.  Whether that means not listening to any suggestions for a couple of weeks/months or not meeting Shadchanim or whatever speaks to you. Giving ourselves “space” is so important.  Recently, I had an experience where I met a few shadchanim and spoke to a whole bunch more, and I noticed a couple of days later I was feeling really drained. So I told myself, “For the next couple of weeks, I’m not calling or meeting with any shadchanim, even if they’re not professionals.” A few days after I had this internal dialogue, a friend told me about a specific shadchan she thought I should meet and sent me the phone number. And I told this friend, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m not reaching out to any shadchanim right now. I’m taking a break.” And I walked away from that conversation feeling so good inside- I created a boundary that felt comfortable for me and stuck to it.   

Returning to our article, Hydration and Fuel are similar to Rest and Recover, except that Rest and Recover refer to significant breaks, whereas Hydration and Fuel are small breaks. When a marathon runner runs, it’s crucial that he stops every now and then to take drinks so he can remain hydrated. With shidduchim, Hydration, and fuel are small breaks that help us get to the finish line while remaining “hydrated” (or sane😉). Some examples are: Going on vacation, buying something special- whether that thing is an object or food, getting together with friends, and going to singles events/ single shabbatons.

The marathon we are running in is challenging. Not knowing where the finish line is is even more difficult. The concepts of Rest and recovery, Hydration, and Fuel will help us on our journey. And when it gets tough, remember there is a finish line, and picture the “medal” we will receive at the end. It will provide hope and motivate us to keep going.