#62- Pointers and Tips- Marking Two Years!

Hey! Hope you’re all doing well:)

Sparks of Light just celebrated its second anniversary! Woohoo!! 🎉  

Now that I have an online blog, I can see where visitors to my site are from, and I am proud to say that the Sparks of Light blog has subscribers from every continent except Antarctica!!!!

There are subscribers in Australia, Canada, England, Israel, Switzerland, the US, and Johannesburg, South Africa! Here in the US, we have subscribers from ten different states- California, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Maryland, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, and Texas:) This parsha can be a lonely one, but knowing I have so many people going through the same experience as I am and sharing my thoughts and feelings with you (and getting your feedback😉) definitely makes it easier, so thank you!

One Shabbos afternoon a few weeks ago, I found myself thinking about shidduchim and what has helped (and continues to help) me get through it over the years. Here are some pointers; I’m sure you’ve heard of many of them, but maybe you’ll find something new.

·       Surround yourself with positive people- Shidduchim is hard enough as is. Surround yourself with people who believe in and root for you!! Friends, family, etc.

·       Speak to Hashem in your own words- Hashem knows your pain more than anyone else. Talk to him. This does not have to (and should not) be only during Shmonah Esrei. Anytime you feel loneliness or shame or any other feeling, creep in, tell Him so.

·       Notice how you’ve grown- One benefit that singlehood poses is time. You have more time to figure yourself out and discover who you are inside. This time enables you to grow and mature in ways in which you maybe hadn’t previously envisioned. Notice how you’ve grown and write down a list. When you’re having a hard day, look at it.

·       Go to events for singles- Whether it’s a shiur, art class, or other activity, single events are so fun. Besides the social opportunities they provide, they are a great way to expand your support system (See bullet point one).

·       Journal- Write down all your thoughts and feelings surrounding dating, lack of dating, how messed up the system is, the annoying shadchan, your naive_____ fill in the blank…. you get the point. Your journal is private, so feel free to write whatever you please. If you’re nervous about curious people opening it, write on the cover of your journal, “Important information for taxes-2024” or “The history of the American Revolution.”

·       Develop Hobbies- Hobbies serve as excellent outlets for stress. Some ideas are art, music, dance, cooking, and exercise.

·       Try to find Hashem in the small things- This parsha can be really hard. Make it a habit to look out for the little winks Hashem provides in everyday life. For instance, you were late to an appointment and unsure where you’d find parking. A parking spot suddenly opened right when you pulled into the parking lot. Another- You found a stunning dress for yom tov, and only one was left- in your size. Another- Your friend you hadn’t heard from in ages called exactly when you felt lonely.

These are winks from Hashem telling you that He’s with you. When you are having a hard day/week/month, use those “winks” as proof.

·       Prevent burnout- Remember to nourish yourself physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. (See https://www.sparksoflightinspiration.com/post/56-experiencing-burnout-read-this for ideas)

·       Give yourself compassion when it's hard. It goes without saying, but I think many of us are too hard on ourselves. When you’re having a good day, great! And when you’re not, that’s okay. Give yourself space to feel your emotions and allow your feelings to be there. Sometimes, singlehood is HARD. Acknowledge and validate yourself.

·       Take breaks- Breaks are so important! This can mean literal breaks from shidduchim or it can mean vacation breaks to get back your energy.

·       DBT- Use DBT to help you with conflicted feelings, i.e., younger sibling getting married, friends moving on, etc. If this doesn’t jog your memory, see https://www.sparksoflightinspiration.com/post/43-your-conflicting-feelings-dbt

·       Learn about Emunah and Bitachon- I put this last, but it’s the most important.

Emunah and Bitachon are the only way to get through challenges. There is an array of books and shiurim on these topics. Ideas: The Living Emunah series, Rabbi Arush series, Daily Bitachon with R’ Michael Safdie https://dailybitachon.com/  Rabbi Rubashkin shiurim….

I hope you found this list helpful!

Reflecting on the past two years, it's been quite a journey, and I am so humbled to have you on board. Thank you for joining me! As always, I welcome your comments and suggestions:)