#8 Purim - Everything is Falling Into Place

One of the biggest themes in the Purim story is the theme of V’nahapoach Hu, how things drastically changed around. Towards the beginning of the Purim story, things couldn’t have looked worse. Haman wanted to kill us & letters were sent out. Haman built a gallows for hanging Mordechai, & Achashveirosh was very pleased. Ultimately, the very gallows, made for Mordechai, were used to hang Haman. Yud gimmel Adar, the date when all the Jews were supposed to be killed, ended up becoming the day when the Jews killed their enemies. Every year, we celebrate the YT of Purim, & recall the miraculous events that took place so many years ago.

I read an unbelievable story in the book A Canopy of Stars (C.B. Weinfeld) on the topic of shidduchim that connects to this theme of V’nahapoch Hu.

When Yaakov Klein* turned 25, his parents started feeling nervous. Most of his friends were moving on in life and starting to build a family, while Yaakov was still stuck in the same place. Yaakov then got involved in a lengthy shidduch saga, which, much to his & his parent’s disappointment, ultimately fizzled out. His rosh yeshiva suggested that he take a break from shidduchim for a few weeks to get back his energy. After a relaxing vacation in North Carolina, Yaakov decided that he was ready to try again. His parents were anxious; they wanted to get his name out to all the shadchanim. “It’s okay; you don’t need to go all out. When the right time comes, it will happen. We just need to daven. After all, my rosh yeshiva said that my bashert can be living across the street!” Yaakov told his parents. Everyone laughed since, after all, they lived on a small cul-de-sac with only two neighbors. One was Oscar, an old, non-Jewish man; the other was the Feins, a frum, retired, middle-aged couple.

A week later, Yaakov was redt to a girl from Australia. He was a little taken aback; Australia was way off his radar, but the shadchan raved about the girl. “I have a strong feeling about this one,” she said. “I really think it’s a great idea!” Yaakov wasn’t so pleased; he would have to travel halfway across the world, but his rosh yeshiva told him, “You never know where your bashert will come from!” And so, he decided to give it a shot.

A week later, Yaakov flew off to Australia along with his mother. After dates # 1 & 2 both went exceptionally well, Yaakov & his parents started hoping that maybe (finally) this was the one. “Tonight, we’ll talk tachlis,” Yaakov told his father over the phone.

But when the phone call came later, it felt like a stab. The pain in Yaakov’s voice could be heard over the phone line. “It’s over, totty, I’m sorry. The shadchan lied. The girl doesn’t want to live in America like the shadchan said she would. Besides, the girl told me some things that I found disturbing. I’d rather not discuss it, but it’s a definite no. I’m so sorry.”

There was nothing to say, just arrangements to make, tickets to change, & the feeling of dashed hopes once again.

Yaakov’s father needed some chizzuk, so he booked an appointment with his own rosh yeshiva, who listened patiently as he described all the ups and downs and botched opportunities that Yaakov had gone through. The Rosh Yeshiva was very empathetic and gave him a bracha. “You should be blessed with a simcha that happens so fast; it should leave you blindsided, just like this disappointment did!” And then he added, “Sometimes, what seems to be a path to our destination is really like those traffic circles or roundabouts. At times, our yeshuah comes seemingly out of left field. Just something to think about.”

Yaakov’s father felt much better, more at peace with what had happened. He wasn’t able to pick up his wife & Yaakov from the airport, so he hired their neighbor, Mr. Fein, who sometimes moonlighted as a driver, to get them.

Two days later, Yaakov’s father was outside shoveling snow when Mr. Fein walked up the driveway. “I wanted to talk for you a minute,” he said a bit awkwardly. “It’s about your son. The one I drove home from the airport the other day.” Turns out, Mr. Fein had a granddaughter, working as a registered nurse, a brilliant, refined girl who had gone to Bais Yaakov, who had not been interested in dating- until now. Since her parents were divorced, she was very close to her grandparents, especially her grandfather. “Adina recently told me that she’s ready to start shidduchim. She asked me to look out for someone with sterling middos and a gentle personality,” continued Mr. Fein. “I told her I’d try my best, but I don’t know too many boys firsthand. I drove your wife and son the other day; you didn’t give much information, but I assume they had gone for a shidduch. We didn’t talk much, but I heard your son tell your wife something that really made an impression on me. He said, ‘Mommy, this was just a bump in the road. I’m not upset about going all the way to Australia because it was meant to be. Besides, my rosh yeshiva said that I should sit back & let Hashem run the world, so that’s what I’m going to do.’ I don’t know your son," Mr. Fein continued, "But I’ve known you for years. And based on that beautiful insight and the way your son handled his disappointment, I’d like to suggest that my granddaughter go out with him.”

Three weeks later, a joyous L’chaim was held across the street in the Fein’s dining room. A beaming Yaakov stood next to his glowing kallah, Mr. Fein’s granddaughter, Adina!

And all couldn’t help but marvel at the words of the rosh yeshiva. “Sometimes, what seems to be a path to our destination is really like those traffic circles or roundabouts. At times, our yeshuah comes seemingly out of left field!

-Story taken from A Canopy of Stars, written by C.B. Weinfeld.

In this story, we see that what seemed pointless was really the way this boy found his bashert. At the time, he and his parents probably wondered, “Why the need to go all the way to Australia, only to be back at square one?” But because this boy went to Australia, took that car ride with Mr. Fein on the way home from the airport, & accepted what happened in the way that he did (most people are not on such a level), that’s exactly what brought him to his kallah! What seemed so awful was really the road to his salvation, in disguise! And so, it is in our own lives. Sometimes, we don’t understand why Hashem is doing what He’s doing, but we shouldn’t lose trust. There is a master plan. And when it gets hard, just remember, Sometimes, when things seem to be falling apart, they are actually falling into place!