#9 How To Not Get Triggered This Purim

Purim is a wonderful, exciting, & joyful time.

However, some people on Purim are surrounded by joy but don’t feel it. Many people have this feeling of being alone in their pain, alone in their challenges, because as much as Purim is enjoyable & exciting, it ironically has the power to highlight our triggers and highlight the pain & difficult emotions that we’re going through.

What is the reason for this?

Many of us judge ourselves. We go into a difficult, painful place and do the “Why can’t I just?” Why can’t I just be happy? Why can’t I just be like everyone else? Why do I get pulled down by my difficult feelings?

Let’s imagine, for a moment, a person who has ongoing health issues. One night, this person finds themselves at a big Seudas Hodaah by someone who is celebrating their good health. How would this person feel at this event? Probably awful! “I’d rather be anywhere but here,” they’d think. Why? Because going to that event highlights what this person doesn’t have yet.

In a similar vein, Purim has the potential to do something similar to us. We see so many others who have what we so badly wish for, & it’s easy to start feeling down and sorry for ourselves (as in, “I don’t have that complete happiness in my life right now.”)

So how can we A. Soothe our pain & B. How can we use the different emotions that we are experiencing now to strengthen our self-compassion and self-love muscles? How can we use this difficulty to strengthen ourselves? Because when we see that we’re becoming better people through the struggles that we are going through, that brings true healing!

There are three steps. The acronym is I Love Nurturing.

Identify- Identify where in your body you are feeling this emotion. There is a part of your body that will light up. Picture a person who is wearing a coat of armor. The coat of armor is so heavy that this person can hardly move in it. They feel stuck and constricted. That’s what happens to us when our emotions overcome us. They can take over who we are. Imagine if this person in the armor could take that coat of armor, melt it into a little ball, hold it in their hand, and look at it. What a different life! They can move & be free! They can take this ball and put it down on a shelf; they can throw it out the window; they can do whatever they want with it! So, too, when we go inside and find out, “Which part of my body am I feeling this emotion in?” we stop feeling like, “I am my emotion, my emotion is me, I’m paralyzed by it,” etc. We become mindful and can actually watch this emotion from afar. We don’t have to be overcome by our feelings. We end up feeling so much more empowered and can now figure out how we want to deal with this feeling.

Label- Label the feeling in your body. Is it sadness, grief, frustration, fear, anger, disappointment? Etc. Nurture- Deal with yourself like how you would deal with a little child. Be loving and kind. Explain to yourself, “Why does it make sense that I’m feeling this way?” Another idea is just to make space for this emotion and say, “I allow you to be here.”

Doing this will allow you to actually thank that part of you because, at the end of the day, it’s the painful experiences that we go through that make us grow the most!

Even doing one of these steps will already help you.

After you have given yourself time to go through this process of love, care, compassion & validation, refocus on all the Purim excitement around you. Remind yourself of the actual Purim story, of how when everything seemed so dark and scary, in reality, Hashem was putting all the pieces into place. Remind yourself that the best is yet to come!

When you do all this, you may find that you’re now not just surrounded by joy but are actually experiencing and truly feeling the joy of Purim as well!

*Credits: Yael Bertram, Life Coach and Speaker on TorahAnytime.