Q and A #2- I am feeling Jealous and Resentful

Questions on hot-button topics with Your Answers!

Q) I am surrounded by people who are a couple of stages ahead of me in life. Automatically, that triggers feelings of jealousy and resentment. What are some ways to deal with this jealousy?

Your Answers!

I think these feelings are so normal and are actually healthy. It means you want to move on and get to the milestones that the people around you are reaching. If you didn’t feel this way, that would be weird! So, first, realize that you and your feelings are normal. Next, I think you have to realize that you aren’t those people; you are you. You have your life, and they have theirs. It doesn’t mean you can’t feel resentment; you can. Just don’t let it overtake you. But who are you resentful towards? Those people in your life? Or maybe G-D? Because those people can’t help you, only G-D can. So turn to G-D and ask him to help you. You want to do what you were created for and be a normal, healthy human being, which G-D intended you to be, no? -Anonymous

·The way I look at it is that I’m meant to be where I am. Meaning if now I’m single, that is

the best thing for me, and being in any other situation would be terrible for me. Hashem put me here in this situation, and I think of all the amazing things I did and can do because I’m single. ( The chessed, got to know different people, traveled, invested in my job, and spent time with family….) things that I would have never been able to if I was married.

Of course, we all have our ups and downs. It is super difficult to feel like everyone around me has moved on; I would love to be married and have a family of my own. However, I try to remember all of the amazing things I can do now because of my situation and know that it will come when the time is right for ME;)

In summary, know that one day be’ezras Hashem, very soon, you will be on the other side of it, but for now, take advantage of your free time to do things you won’t be able to do when you have a family of your own.

“Don’t wait for everything to be perfect to enjoy life and be happy” -Anonymous

· I am an older single and also have this problem. After getting my bachelor's degree, I got a job for a couple of years before going back to school to pursue an RN degree; I am now in nursing school. I feel like I am behind because I am still in school, not yet married, and don’t have kids. Although I try my best to keep busy as much as possible, my married friends or friends with master's degrees and fancy, demanding jobs are seemingly busier and in a better place.

It is hard not to feel jealous of friends who are seemingly doing better.

One of the ways I deal with this kind of jealousy is by telling myself that I never know the whole story. I try to think of times in my life when someone said something to me without knowing the entire story. I try to keep in mind that now I'm the one on the other side who doesn't know the full story. Everyone is on a different path in life, and just because someone seems like they are ahead of you doesn't mean they actually are. Someone may have a master's degree while you don't, but they may be having a hard time finding a job or may

have recently lost their job. Could also be that someone who was married young may be getting a divorce, and even though you got married older, you B"H stay happily married. Also, people with kids may have some struggles with that. Who knows. There are a million and one things that could happen! No one knows what life will throw at them.

Another important thing to keep in mind is that Hashem knows what is right for each individual. What is right for one person isn't always right for someone else; trying to strengthen Emunah and Bitachon is always a good thing. Emunah and Bitachon will not only help in this regard but in other areas of life as well. I recently started listening to Michael Safdie. He posts a 10-minute lecture on Chovot Halevavot daily in a WhatsApp group called Daily Bitachon.

Here’s the link: https://dailybitachon.com/whatsapp/ -T.J.

·Something that helps me when I am experiencing jealousy (we all experience jealousy; if s/o claims they don’t, they are likely in denial) is remembering that Hashem doesn’t have a limited supply of husbands and kids. He has an abundance of shefa and will one day pour it down to me. Just cause other people are now a few steps ahead does not mean I cannot catch up.

Something else I try to bear in mind is that everyone has a “pekel.” Some people, such as singles, have a “clear” pekel bag, while others have a pekel wrapped in pretty wrapping paper. The challenge of singlehood is very visible- look at my head, and you’ll realize I’m single. (Although I don’t know if that still applies; nowadays, even I have a hard time figuring out if others are wearing a wig, lol) But just because my challenge is visible does not mean all challenges are visible. Many challenges are in “pretty wrapping paper,” and from the outside, you wouldn’t even know that there’s a pekel in there. Just because most of frum society has what we “lack” and seem to be living a wonderful life does not mean that there isn’t a pekel wrapped in the “pretty” “wrapping paper.” Of course, there is one, and I’m not so sure I’d want to exchange pekelach! -S.K.